maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
