you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
