I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
