Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
