I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
