any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
