Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
