just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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