Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Someone signed my nipple.
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