i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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