i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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