Umm I'm too high to move.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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