Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
