You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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