i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
