There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You were trust falling into bushes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
