I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
