DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In other news, I just burned my penis
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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