No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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