Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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