Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
