We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
