don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
