i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
