sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
