She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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