But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
