By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
