we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
