Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
