some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
