this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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