Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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