The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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