Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
