Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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