I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
