On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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