how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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