nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
