That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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