i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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