apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
