It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
