ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
