Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
