I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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