the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
