Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
