He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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