M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
